Okay
Here we go
Maybe I could explain why
Why
Okay, maybe
So
It doesn’t matter
Where
Who I am with
What I am doing
I have to
I need to write 1 to a 100
Otherwise I will crumble
I will fall apart
And I will cry uncontrollably
I wont be able to breathe
I will feel like you are the most selfish being
I wont be able to understand why you insist on not sharing any of the oxygen
Why do you want me to die
If I don’t say it here I wont say nothing
So I need
Have to ?
Essentially I have to need to want
To be okay
Just to be stable
And my heart breks even more
A struggle to be stable is not normal
It just isn’t
In a bubble of just me
I need a table
I have to go underneath
I need a carpet
The one in he living room
With the grey and white sripes
I need to feel the cold of the wooden floor dig deep
The familiarity of placing thngs
The ocean is so big
I yearn for it
Yet makes it worse
Being overwhelmed is not helpful
But all I want
Is the capacity to be away
And away
To see nothing beyond
But to be certain of everything beyond
I want to need to know
Yes, the table
Now please
But there’ss none around
I don’t want to be a spectacle
Im scared
How many people will walk over me
How many people will crowd over me
Both soltions make it orse
No solution makes it bad
If only I could dig my nails
Deeper and deeper into my skin
It doesn’t even allow pain anymore
See you’re even over halfway
Numbers numbers
Who knew that would come to my salvation
I could never pick a favourite number regardless
26 along cannot save me
Nor can 1
I am so ired
I cant explain it
But I try to connect
To every part of me
From the s pattern
Solo edition attached to my scalp
To the tip of my toe nail
Don’t cry
Ii can see my insdides
I can feel my insides
I need to get out
I have to remain intact
Don’t scream
I tell Achebe, I am falling apart
We ask God to put me together
It’s the slowest and fastest
Simultaneous cohabitation
Just this time pleae
Can I explode into smithereens?
Okay
Now logic
And reason
Now I know it isnt finite
Sighhhhh
Okay
Okay
Here we go
I know
Don’t cry
Don’t force that smile
Be honest
A true smile because
We always make it to 100 baby.
Here we go
Maybe I could explain why
Why
Okay, maybe
So
It doesn’t matter
Where
Who I am with
What I am doing
I have to
I need to write 1 to a 100
Otherwise I will crumble
I will fall apart
And I will cry uncontrollably
I wont be able to breathe
I will feel like you are the most selfish being
I wont be able to understand why you insist on not sharing any of the oxygen
Why do you want me to die
If I don’t say it here I wont say nothing
So I need
Have to ?
Essentially I have to need to want
To be okay
Just to be stable
And my heart breks even more
A struggle to be stable is not normal
It just isn’t
In a bubble of just me
I need a table
I have to go underneath
I need a carpet
The one in he living room
With the grey and white sripes
I need to feel the cold of the wooden floor dig deep
The familiarity of placing thngs
The ocean is so big
I yearn for it
Yet makes it worse
Being overwhelmed is not helpful
But all I want
Is the capacity to be away
And away
To see nothing beyond
But to be certain of everything beyond
I want to need to know
Yes, the table
Now please
But there’ss none around
I don’t want to be a spectacle
Im scared
How many people will walk over me
How many people will crowd over me
Both soltions make it orse
No solution makes it bad
If only I could dig my nails
Deeper and deeper into my skin
It doesn’t even allow pain anymore
See you’re even over halfway
Numbers numbers
Who knew that would come to my salvation
I could never pick a favourite number regardless
26 along cannot save me
Nor can 1
I am so ired
I cant explain it
But I try to connect
To every part of me
From the s pattern
Solo edition attached to my scalp
To the tip of my toe nail
Don’t cry
Ii can see my insdides
I can feel my insides
I need to get out
I have to remain intact
Don’t scream
I tell Achebe, I am falling apart
We ask God to put me together
It’s the slowest and fastest
Simultaneous cohabitation
Just this time pleae
Can I explode into smithereens?
Okay
Now logic
And reason
Now I know it isnt finite
Sighhhhh
Okay
Okay
Here we go
I know
Don’t cry
Don’t force that smile
Be honest
A true smile because
We always make it to 100 baby.
