It’s always easy to say to your friend “Love yourself”. For
example, they come to you complaining about the non-existent flabby arms and
the exaggerated amount of acne apparent on their beautiful face. So, as a “good”
friend you sigh, smile and tell them “No there’s nothing there.” “It’s all in
your head”. “No you’re so beautiful”. “I wish I had your arms” The positive
responses are endless. All so they can feel better and realise that they are
not imperfect. But at some point those are just words. I truly don’t know how
you can tell someone to love their self. I don’t know how you can make someone
feel 100% in their skin especially if you don’t feel 100% in your skin.
Do you know, there’s this mentality which most girls believe
that our parents say we are beautiful because they have to & love us, our
friends say it because well, they’re our friends and a support system. I feel
like most girls have a deep desire for the boy of their dreams to look sincerely
in their eyes and whisper sensually (perhaps) “you re the most beautiful girl I
have ever laid eyes upon. There is no one in this world that comes close to
you, not Beyoncé, Kim Kardashian not even Miss universe!” But that is extremely
unrealistic but we love living in our idea of realism and sometimes it’s
perfect. Come on, which one would you choose?! The reality where a boy
describes you as “buff” or a scenario where he says “Miss Universe has nothing
on you” I for one will choose the latter. However, this unrealistic expectation
is what makes us sad and self-conscious. It never helps with page 3 models and
porn stars and playboy models conveying unrealistic ideas of women to men. But, constantly searching for approval and
gratification in men makes us vulnerable and susceptible to heartbreak and
being treated like we are worthless leading to us feeling self-conscious and
well, becomes a menacing cycle which is extremely unhealthy. How can you expect someone to love you unconditionally
beyond all measurement when you don’t even like yourself? You can’t appreciate
your worth so why you are you surprised when Tyrone (or Luke?) treats you’re like
worthless rag. You need to find yourself
before you find your man. I know I’m spewing all this (maybe) advice but I
certainly don’t how to follow it, which refers back to the beginning of this
post. I could easily give the speech of a life time to help a friend feel
better but to make myself feel better? I don t know. But I do know that I am
not ready for a relationship due to these factors and I’m always scared for insecure
girls my age or younger who are in relationships especially with someone older
because how can you trust that person will not exploit you with your weaknesses
and flaws.
I believe the perfect way to find you is to find yourself in
God. J The
love God has for you cannot amount to any love on this plane, not even your mother’s
love. People I know who are truly and utterly obsessed, in lover and devoted to
God are secure in their perfect imperfections and all of their flaws.
How do you love yourself?
